Back to Sweden, Bitches

Ummm....seriously?
For $60 bucks a night we live in a fucking boat cabin?
God hates Sweden.

Dear Estonia,

I feel our break-up is a little premature.

While I admit that there are many things that have puzzled me about you over the course of our relationship, I'm not sure I'm ready to let go. I will not lie and say I haven't been disturbed, on more than one occasion, by your people's unhealthy obsession with YouTube videos and illegally downloaded British comedies. Nor will I claim to have come to terms with them putting sour cream on everything and ketchup on pasta.

The truth remains, however, that you are dear to my heart Estonia, and it brings a tear to my eye that I should have to leave you. I will miss your $4 vodka cocktails and not being obliged to tip in bars, cafes or cabs. I'll miss black bread and the weird desserts you make out of it. I'll miss the grannies waiting at the tram station and their refusal to act concerned or bothered when the city garbage cans start on fire.

I'm leaving you for another country, Estonia. But don't be fooled, you were the best lover I ever had.

It's all too much

I don't even understand how to keep up the blog anymore. Living is simultaneously boring & outrageous, and while I feel like I don't have anything to write stories about, beautiful things are nevertheless happening.
Today I rolled around in the snow in my birthday suit. Yesterday I got my tooth bejeweled, danced out my wounds at some New Age seminar, plotted my own kidnapping and celebrated Obama's inauguration with my taxi driver. I can't remember as far back to Monday, but I swear my last month in Estonia is nothing but interesting.

Lame

Uh...here's my birthday cake.
Xmas was boring.
My kidneys broke.
I'm in love with 2009.

Stockholm, Sweden and the Grand Adventures of Vicky I

Stockholm was cute stuff. If you wanna know what it looks like, google that shit on the Internet cuz I don't waste time taking pics of buildings and trolls when I've got only 4 short hours to have a long-awaited first world shopping spree.
Basically the weekend involved us getting on the boat at around 6pm on Friday, arriving in Stockholm at 10am on Saturday, waiting for an invisible bus for 2 hours, battling the x-mas insanity in the city center til 4pm and then getting back on the boat to head back to Tallinn.
Pointless? Maybe.
Highlights of the trip include: the double bed in our romantic boat cabin, the UFO siting above Stockholm, me getting seasick, the plundering of my bank account by the Swedish kroon, and most importantly, the vigor with which Swedes and Estonians get piss drunk on a large ship. Outstanding performance from both nations!
All in all, lovely trip. Highly recommended.

Again, the finger.

Why am I always flipping off the webcam?
Yea, err....sadly, gluing heart-shaped jewels on my fingernails is like the most exciting thing I've done this week. It's cold, that's my excuse. Oih, just kidding I forgot I went ice-skating this week! That's productivity, right? And I didn't fall at all during the skating part, only afterward when I slipped and fell down the stairs leaving the place. Gnarly butt-bruise souvenirs--lovesit.

Friday I'm going to Sweden so maybe in a few days I'll have some good stories involving disco and penis enlargers. Stay tuned...

Rights for Gays, Oh Yea

As of today, I'm officially a legal resident of Estonia. I can get cheap bus tickets and vote online!
High five.