Snowballz

Damn, I don't really know where to start. It's been a hectic weekend. I'm gonna sum up quickly.

First on the agenda Thursday morning was scooping up little Mai Thai from the airport. Since then it's been 4 days of sexy snow battles, sexual confrontation, and a couple cases of the drunksies...
Friday night was my 1st DJ set with Piia, which was pretty bangin if you ask me. Our sucky transitions were kindly excused, thanks to my low cut tank and the sassy stripes I shaved in the side of Piia's head. Shit at least earned us a couple bucks and a bag of herbal goodies. The night lasted until 7am on Saturday but despite the gnarly party hangover we were able to get up by 11 and make the essential winter purchase of 2 red and yellow saucer sleds.
The rest of the weekend was just everything having to do with snow...delays, cancellations, foot mittens, frozen toes, butt bruises, smeared mascara, expensive cab rides, etc.
More when I'm not distracted by Bob with testicular cancer.

First Estonian Snow 2008

I'm feeling romantic!

Top 10 Moment

2AM in Old Town. Drunk businessman walks into an alley where 3 girls are mischievously sharing a bottle of wine.



PIIA (to the man): Where do you come from?!
Businessman takes a seat next to girls.
PIIA: Are you Finnish?! Swedish?! Bra?!
PILLE: Русский язык?
PIIA: I know it! You're a Swede living in Finland!
DANIELLE: Parlez-vous français?! Talk! ¿Habla español?
PIIA: Kunt u nederlands praten?

Businessman smokes a cigarette. Minutes pass. Pille pisses in the alley. Drunk businessman begins to stir.
PILLE: Yes?
DANIELLE: Yes? Speak!
PIIA: Tell me why you're here! Where do you come from man?!
DRUNK BUSINESSMAN: L-l-l-l-le'ts get to the point. Y-y-y-y-yes I'm...I-I-I-I...I'm a Swede.
PIIA: I knew it!
DRUNK BUSINESSMAN: T-t-t-t-the p-p-point is...the point is this.
GIRLS: Yes?! Tell us?!
DRUNK BUSINESSMAN: L-l-l-l-let's fuck.

Me and You Covered in Honey, etc.

The last few weeks I've been sort of detached from reality or something. Don't worry, I'm not about to get deep on this blog but I just wanted to make a nice excuse for not writing any entertaining posts.

While nothing especially wonderful has happened to me lately (aside from that fabulous Halloween shitshow), I have incorporated a few new treasures into my daily Estonian life.

Firstly, I've made it a weekly ritual to visit Piia's mum and granny every Sunday evening. Traditional Estonians as they are, they've got a sauna room built on the side of their wooden house and this has quickly become the real reason I venture out into the cold and travel 30 minutes across town every week. (That and the fact that granny usually sends us home with some delicious goody.) The first time I sat in the 100°C heat of the sauna I thought my face was going to melt off but now there is nothing I enjoy more than rubbing myself in honey and sitting naked, huddled in this human toaster-oven pretending I am a real Estonian girl. The experience has taken my pores to a whole new level.

The other delightful little trinket I've come to embrace in my daily life is this tasty Estonian breakfast substance called kama flour. Kama is "a healthy and natural product made from Estonian crops." In other words, it's like toasted sand you dump in your yogurt to make you feel healthy in the morning. It's like...I don't know...drinking bubble tea. You're disgusted by the texture of this tasteless crap invading what would be a normal beverage, and at the same time you're so intrigued...you just can't stop til all the little tapioca balls are gone and then you still feel so confused, so you just keep trying it again and again. I love it!

In other news, we've acquired the following toys in the last 2 weeks:

1. The Microkorg- The holiest of all synthesizers. I can scream Mary Poppins tunes into this thing and they come out sounding like a 70 yr-old smoker's rendition of Anti-Christ Superstar
2. A sewing machine- I've already sewn some cute red curtains to match my newly painted walls and will soon be making multitudes of garments you know are about to get Barack Obama's face printed all over them
3. The Hula Hoop- I don't think I even need to describe what kind of fun I've been having with this guy.

Anyhow. That's the news for now. It's 5:21 in the morning and the sleep deprivation loonies are setting in...

Later.

So like...

Listen up. It's Friday night and I'm kinda bored waiting for a phone call.
What the hell? I gotta take care of this.
I'm gonna die soon and I don't want to fuck around with boredom! So whoever reads this (no one)...let's have an adventure and make this the best 4 years of my life. And yours?

Halloween Candy

Last night didn't look like it promised much at first.

The Halloween caramels were rock hard fruity shits that tasted like toilet bowl cleaner. The decorations consisted of construction paper cutouts and color-crayon drawings. Oprah was still caucasian when the first batch of house guests arrived and I couldn't get my sock roll dick to stand erect.

But as I sit here in my hangover coma and attempt to reflect back on the whole evening, I have to say it was the best fucking party I've ever thrown in my life. Something about the freedom of being able to openly grab my crotch and burp up Bacardi while slapping girls on the ass...makes for amazing times.