Visit from the L B C

If you've never seen my boy Snoop perform live in a little-known city in Eastern Europe, I suggest you put that on your to-do list. This D-O double G made DLizzle bounce like she aint neva bounced before.

Imagine this outdoor stadium filled with blonde-haired, blue-eyed bitches and white boyz with their euro-trash denim-fade jeans sagging below their asses--all of them waving their middle fingers in the air screaming "fuck da po-leese."

You think that's goofy? Now picture Snoop Dogg hoppin around on stage waving an Estonian flag shouting "EEEston-ya!"
That pimp is da Bo$$.

Bedroom Window

YEA, FUCK 'EM!

I may be embarrassing myself with this photo...

But I can't help it, it's so classic!









I have 5 days to act like a 12-yr old boy and draw mustaches on myself til I become a grown-ass woman grad student.

Goodbye Summer

It's really cold. Shockwave! cold. If I would've known Estonia was an August tundra I would've done a much better job of cherishing that last week in the States.

I have 5 pairs of socks, one hoodie and a poncho. The rest of my armoire is filled with tank tops and t-shirts. I just sweet-talked my way thru O'hare, Schipol and Helsinki-Vantaa with 65 kilos of shit I can't wear. Retard move... (that was a lot of listing, sorry).

Good thing I'm going back to school. Yes yes. I broke down and decided to apply to a real MA program instead of living life as an illegal alien taking Estonian lessons. I left this interview pretty convinced I wasn't getting in and should consider never going back to school...but I guess Tallinn U thinks otherwise. Got that back to school feeling now tho...............disgusting.

This is a boring blog, I know. Shut up.

Boris' Picnic in the Park...ing Lot

One of the first pieces of advice I got from Piia upon arriving in Estonia was not to sleep around with the boyz in the hood. This is a pretty reasonable suggestion considering our neighborhood is infested with sketchy Russians who I'm sure have been waiting for the chance to rub off their Communism on a good wholesome All-American girl like myself. Hands off boys, I only have eyes for capitalism!

But OK really, Piia's concerns are serious. 1.3 percent of the Estonian population is estimated to have HIV. That's the highest in all of Europe and pretty intense considering there are only 1.3 million people in all of Estonia. They're like an endangered species! And well, I don't know how the rest of the country works, but in my hood these crazy Russian junkies hang outside in the parking lot sharing needles like its their job. It's actually a very curious and scary thing to watch, but I can't stop. It's like an ongoing drama series outside my window. I've tried to take some photos for you but they're not too fancy. I'm a little concerned that if Boris the Addict or any of his cracked out friends see me through the window they might come running at me with a hammer and sickle...

Boris
So let me tell you the story of this seemingly innocent Russian boy lounging on his tree stump.

The first thing you should know is that he was carried there. That stick doubles as both a cane and a car smasher. His friend had just abandoned him at the stump after shooting up and would return soon with fruit and ice cream. Druggie picnic! Here's a cute photo of with the both of them:

Dimitri and Boris

The sweetest thing about these 2 is that the Dimitri eventually begins to get a little antsy and starts hopping around all over the place so Boris sits him down and gives him a massage to calm his nerves. Sexy!

And so the picnic continued. The syringes came out a few more times, along with some curious strips of bedsheet and random objects from a gym bag but no one seemed alarmed. Children played close by and old women trotted past with their baskets and it was just like any another day in the trailer park. I, too, am getting pretty used to it...

Just as long as those commies stay on the other side of my window.

Hot Mama

Guess whose favorite pregnant lady just had a baby boy...


Everybody's talkin shit cuz she named him Zuma Nesta Rock but whatevs... Zuma can babysit my little Kryxzium when I pop her out and they can bond about having fucked up names and hot mamas.

Tsau Q T!

So...it's 4:20 a.m. in Tallinn and I'm watching Beavis and Butthead on the Internet. I've officially spent a week and one day with Piia and Q T McWhiskers (see below) in our ghetto "Stalin" apartment. I regret to say that I have no photographic proof of how gnarly this place is cuz my camera ran out of batteries and I have yet to work up enough balls to go to the electronics store and ask questions to these stern Estonians regarding electrical adapters.

Uhhh...but yea...I love Estonia! Let's recap what I've learned so far about my new country and friends:

1. Pickles : Vodka :: Lime : Tequila, except waaaaay more disgusting when you vomit it into a laundry basket.
2. It is normal to eat ketchup on pasta. No, I'm not joking. It's also normal to eat honey by the spoonful out of a jar.
3. Estonia is filled with sexy girls. Don't believe me? Ask James Blond.
4. Apparently Estonians think it's fun to hold singing festivals for hours on end in the middle of the night when it's freezing cold and I'm wearing open-toed heels. But I'm not complaining, this was patriotism at its finest, my friends. It brought a roller derby tear to my eye.
5. I love Estonia!
6. I don't love Russians!

Time for bed.

Move it Move it Move it Move it

Summertime!

Danielle Lynne loves the Internet!

I've finally learned how to work a computer!

DLynne + MacBook = BFF