Go Back to Your Old Town

This is where I go to school. Other bitches just front.

Check my Boy

Nevermind the inappropriate pose for the camera...is kitty amazing or what?

What's this I feel?

Joe Biden just made me cry. Like...mushy sentimental patriotism cry. These guys better win or I won't love you anymore, America.

Internet Boredom

Hey Look!
I just found a picture of my boobs on the Internet! The photo was labeled "CRAZINESS".

I have reason to believe that caption isn't referring to just the tattoo...

Suck My Balls, Billiard

It doesn't matter what country you play it in...Pool sucks. Seriously. What a stupid game.

Russian Titties

Best. Weekend. In Estonia.

I knew Saturday was gonna be a good night when I started it at Depeche Mode Baar. Oh yes indeed, a whole bar devoted to DEPECHE MODE, named after DEPECHE MODE, that only plays DEPECHE MODE. Depeche Mode even signed the wall. Very fancy.

So I like Depeche Mode as much as the next art-fag, but seriously. Round one of Violator is good times, but once Boozy Suzy starts singing Personal Jesus in tongues it's time to hit the exit. Luckily there's a nice stripclub around the corner...

Striptiis Estonian style was all I could've ever hoped for. It involved first being stopped by a large bald Russian man and asked if I understood where I was and what I was paying for. (Ummm...?) He proceeded to walk me through some sketchy medieval alley and into a cellar where I had to pay 100 kroons ($10) to this disgruntled harlot. For that price + the cost of a Screwdriver I was able to watch 3 Russian lassies groove on a pole for an hour.

You haven't seen babes til you've seen nearly-naked Eastern European babes. VISIT TALLINN.

I Love Estonian Grannyz

My sTaLliNn apartment is dope as shit with the exception of 2 things:

1. It's 90 degrees below zero but the heating won't get turned on until October.
2. I have no living room.

The result of these 2 factors is that Piia and I live huddled around a mini space heater on an air mattress in the kitchen and are afraid to venture into any other room of the house for fear of getting frost bitten.

OK, I'm exaggerating a little but my real point here is that we don't have a living room and that living in la cuisine is fine if you're 2 chicks who are usually too drunk on vodka to give a fuck which room of the apt they're in but NOT fine if you're, for example, a group of old ladies wanting to enjoy an afternoon tea party...

Helgi, Evi and Meliita

Piia and I encountered this technicality last Sunday when her mama announced she'd be stopping by with Piia's granny (Helgi!), Helgi's sister Evi, and sister-in-law Meliita for some post-Birthday celebrations. We figured the grannyz wouldn't want to participate in our usual kitchen tile pow-wow so we spent all morning converting my bedroom into a senior-friendly environment. (Had to hide the "Rabbit" and take down the Slayer posters.) We actually made the place look quite festive and as far as I could tell, the ladies were impressed with our capabilities as proper hostesses.

Honestly, this was one of the best times I've had so far in Estonia. These old Estonian women know how to get down on a Sunday afternoon. They start off all sweet and reserved with a cup of tea but within 10 minutes they break out the wine and homemade apple juice and get right to it. I had been dying to try this sandwich cake that I kept seeing around town and to my delight, Mama Ülle brought us a homemade one! La bomba.

The meal was finished off with some type of peachy cheesecake goodness baked by Evi and a knot-shaped bun from Granny Helgi that seriously changed my life. We chased it all down with some coffee and Vana Tallinn.

Estonian Lunch Coma. Well worth leaving the warm kitchen.